Marrying non-Muslims

salams

an old reply to a non-muslim enquiring about inter-religious marriages...

This is something often misunderstood by both muslims and non-muslims. I'll get to the question of love presently. According to shari`ah (divine law) the rulings regarding inter-religious marriage can be summarised as follows:

1. It is not permitted for a muslim woman to marry outside her faith.
2. It is permitted for a muslim man to marry one of the 'ahl al-kitab'. Interpretations of this term vary, from the classical meaning (a jew or christian) to a broader (and much weaker) interpretation (any believer in the Unity of God and the prophets). However, many scholars are of the opinion that even this stipulation is highly disliked and should be avoided (for reasons that may become clearer later).

That's not the end, though! No disrespect intended, but muslims often get so caught up in following the letter of the shari`ah that it becomes a goal in itself. It's not the goal - Allah is the goal, the shari`ah is merely the way to attain it. The path should not be the destination! There is a spiritual core that underlies the shari`ah and differentiates it from all man-made law. It is based on the beautiful attributes of Allah and derived from the blessed personality of Rasulullah (s). Indeed, if it were not, how could one call it DIVINE law? There are reasons for rules and laws - and the basic rule is 'do that which will enable one to get closer to God'. The entire shari`ah is based on this one premise. Regarding marriage, therefore, I want to try to provide an understanding of the Islamic philosophy behind the various rulings listed above.

The bond between husband and wife is the most profound and enduring in a person's adult life. Perhaps no other person will exert as much emotional and psychological influence on an individual. Love is the absolute basis and essence of Islam. As such, he (s) was sent to teach us love and compassion in their most perfect forms. Faith is perfection in three things: fear, hope and love.

However, love exists in many different forms - for parents, for spouses, for children, and so forth. Perhaps no other word is used so frequently and understood so rarely! Is true love infatuation? a mother's love? the love that our grandparents feel after 50 years together? One should really ask the question, "WHAT is love and why do I feel it?" not "who or what do I love?" The first logically precedes the second, but the second emotionally precedes the first (and sometimes eclipses it entirely!)

A lot of our mixed-up feelings arise because we become so entangled with the 2nd question that we forget the first! The psychological basis of marriage is to develop love for the partner - for love (as opposed to infatuation) develops over years of shared joys and hardships.

But the underlying reason that Allah has blessed us with the faculty of love is so that we can learn to love Him. He has said, "it is one of Our SIGNS that We have placed love and compassion between (husband and wife)" - ie, that feeling of love is in fact a sign of the existence of the fountain and source of love - God. Through our various mortal loves, we are directed towards the discovery of the eternal love of Allah, as rivers flow inexorably towards the ocean.

This, then, is the true reason for marriage - to apprehend, through one's partner, a part of the all-embracing love of Allah. Knowing this, the reasons for the Islamic rulings on marriage become clearer. On life's journey towards Allah, one is not alone. Husband and wife walk hand in hand, helping and strengthening each other. They are companions on the journey, and Allah has said, "we made for them spouses that they might find rest and comfort." However, if the direction (qibla) of one is towards God and His messenger (s), but the other is walking a different path, one of three things will happen:

Firstly, the rightly-guided will turn the straying one towards truth - but is this a gamble one would be prepared to take? Second, and more frequently, the misguided will turn the muslim away from God. Third, as their paths diverge more and more, their hands will leave each other's hold (they will separate).

Thus Allah, in his wisdom, has directed us to marry those who will not only face in the same direction as us upon our journey towards Him, but will also be a strength and comfort to us upon the hard road. Therefore a hadith encourages muslims to look first and foremost for 'taqwa' - consciousness of God - in one's life-partner. Our choice of partner should be made not with this fleeting world in mind, but the eternal hereafter. We are encouraged to choose someone who can be a mirror for us, reflecting the immortal and infinite love of Allah Most High - and of course, we should work towards being such a mirror ourselves! The most blessed of creation (s) has said, "a believer is a mirror to a believer."

This, then, is the underlying basis and wisdom of all Islamic rulings regarding this subject. I hope it has been made clearer, and may Allah forgive me if I have erred. For Allah knows best. To Him do all souls return, and He is the Comforter of all longings. And blessings upon the Messenger of Love and Compassion.

Talib

Allah Made the Whole Wide World

by my daughter Noor (age 5)

(at least, the first two verses... mum helped with the rest!)


Allah made the whole wide world
Allah made the whole wide world
Muhammad Salallah is His Messenger
Beloved of Allah, Our Teacher
Muhammad Salallah is His Messenger
Allah made the whole wide world

The angels are made of heavenly light
They serve Allah both day and night
They always obey and never go astray
And send their salam on the Prophet of Islam

CHORUS

Allah is one and partners He has none
He made with his power everything and everyone
The earth and the trees, the sky and the seas
Every soul that is born, to Allah will return

CHORUS

Our prophet's teachings serve to remind
To treat with respect, to love and be kind
To give to the poor, and to fast and to pray
These deeds will help us on our Judgment Day

La ilaha ilallah
Muhammadun Rasulullah
Alayhi salawatullah
La ilaha ilallah

habib allah pt 1

Huwa al-Habib alladhi turja shafa`atuhu
Min kulli hawlin min al-ahwali muqtahimi

" He is the Beloved whose intercession is hoped for
From every onrushing terror [that assails us]. "

There are so many mysteries and subtle points of spirituality locked into the Arabic language, it's awe-inspiring. I was talking today with Sidi Aftab Malik (director of Amal Press) about one of the titles of Sayyidina Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him): Habib Allah (the beloved of God). I'll cover it in parts, otherwise it'll get too long.

Part 1 - Lover and Beloved

Firstly, the form of the word: habib is on the scale of fa`il, which conveys two meanings in Arabic. The first is of ism al-maf`ul - the passive participle. On this scale, the meaning of habib is 'beloved.' The second is that of ism al-mubalagha - the intensive noun. On this scale, the meaning of habib is 'the intensely loving.' (from the Zurqani's commentary of al-Mawahib al-Ladunniyya). Thus this single word speaks volumes to the discerning viewer about the reciprocal nature of the loving relationship that exists between Creator and His most perfect Creation.

For the habib can be one who nutures an unrequited love for something, which is both a marker of humiliation and neediness; and which will eventually render the lover a weak and desperate former shadow of himself. On the other hand, the habib can be the object of affection: cold, distant and untouchable, filled with a self-regarding pride and arrogance.

It reminds me of a bedtime story I told my daughters, of Narcissus and Echo. Narcissus was a youth of surpassing beauty; Echo a wood nymph who was cursed by the 'demi-gods' for the usual Greek female crime (considering herself to be more beautiful than the goddesses). Echo fell in love with Narcissus, but could never reveal herself to him. He - with the pride and arrogance that comes with external beauty - repelled all advances as being unworthy of his beauty. Echo - the first habib - lingered on, tortured by her unrequited love until she eventually wore herself out and became no more than an echoing voice. Narcissus - the second habib - eventually met a sticky end: he fell in love with his own reflection in a pool and died of grief for not being able to be with his 'beloved.' [don't you just love those happy clappy Greek myths?]

But Rasulullah (s) is both lover and beloved - a perfect union of celestial bliss and perfection. In his oceanic love for his Creator, he sets up a paradigmic example to us for exactly what should be the nature of man's relationship to the divine. He used to pray in communion with his Lord until his blessed feet swelled because of the length of his standing, and when asked why he even needed to - since Allah had already forgiven him any possible slip - he replied merely, 'should I not be a thankful servant?' Though he - of all creation - who passed through the veils of light to approach ultimate knowledge of his Creator (al-ma`rifa billah), attained the rank where he was blessed with, 'a time with my Lord, upon which neither Prophet-Messenger nor Angel-brought-near may encroach,' still he cried, 'Oh Lord, forgive! I cannot praise you as you deserve to be praised!'

In his love for his Lord, Muhammad Habib Allah is never content or complacent, ever restless, always yearning to be yet closer, yet more intimate. He is in his love like a flowing spring that leaps down the mountain-side, ever yearning for 'the Sea, and Unity.'

Yet so too is he Beloved of Allah, receiving His Lord's unceasing, uncountable salawat - which is love conjoined with mercy, magnification and intimacy; and the salawat of His angelic hosts, so numerous that, 'there is not a point in all the seven heavens that is not occupied by a glorifying angel.' And in this, too, is a clarion sign for us, that - if he is deserving of the love of His Infinite Lord, how much more so is he deserving of our love and salawat - which is veneration, respect and an appeal to Allah to raise him yet closer to His ineffable presence. What kind of being is he that - yet a man born of woman, he commands such a position in the eyes of the Lord of Might and Glory?

Allah says with his Divine speech (a hadith qudsi): "when I love someone, I call Gibril and say, 'oh Gibril, I love this person, so you too must love him.' Then He orders Gibril to travel throughout the heavens and the earth, proclaiming, 'oh creation! This person is beloved of Allah, so you too must love him/her.' "

If this is the case for a mere 'ordinary' beloved of Allah [if there can be such a thing], then how could we possibly conceive the rank of the one whom Allah has loved from pre-eternity, whose love was inscribed before there was Pen, or Tablet, or earth or heaven?

In fact, it is my firm belief that love for Sayyidina Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him) is hard-wired into the very ground of existence; it is the substance of creation itself. Every particle in creation contains within it the love of Rasulullah (s). This can be inferred from the hadith quoted above, for if the beloveds of Allah become beloved of creation, then surely the Beloved of Allah from Pre-Eternity must have been beloved to creation even before their existence.

It can also be known from simple common sense. Every characteristic and quality that the human soul inclines towards, yearns for and is nourished by - compassion, wisdom, truth, justice, humility, kindness, love, tranquility - are embodied completely, perfectly and paradigmically in the most Blessed Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings upon him. All that we find appealing, beautiful or attractive - to the soul, not merely the nafs - find their ultimate manifestation in him (s). As Allah says, 'verily, I swear that you are indeed upon the absolutely supreme paradigm of created character' (wa innaka la `ala khuluqin `azim - which contains no less than six particles of emphasis (ta'kid) in Arabic.

May Allah give us love for Him, love for His Beloved and for his (s) beloveds. May He make us lovers and beloved of Him. Peace and Blessings upon him, without number nor end, as many as the raindrops that fall from heaven, reviving the dead earth and bringing forth from it plants and fruits to nourish mankind. May his love (s) rain upon our dead hearts, revivifying them with the perfumed flowers of remembrance, the nourishing plants of obedience and the delicious fruits of wisdom.