Marrying non-Muslims

salams

an old reply to a non-muslim enquiring about inter-religious marriages...

This is something often misunderstood by both muslims and non-muslims. I'll get to the question of love presently. According to shari`ah (divine law) the rulings regarding inter-religious marriage can be summarised as follows:

1. It is not permitted for a muslim woman to marry outside her faith.
2. It is permitted for a muslim man to marry one of the 'ahl al-kitab'. Interpretations of this term vary, from the classical meaning (a jew or christian) to a broader (and much weaker) interpretation (any believer in the Unity of God and the prophets). However, many scholars are of the opinion that even this stipulation is highly disliked and should be avoided (for reasons that may become clearer later).

That's not the end, though! No disrespect intended, but muslims often get so caught up in following the letter of the shari`ah that it becomes a goal in itself. It's not the goal - Allah is the goal, the shari`ah is merely the way to attain it. The path should not be the destination! There is a spiritual core that underlies the shari`ah and differentiates it from all man-made law. It is based on the beautiful attributes of Allah and derived from the blessed personality of Rasulullah (s). Indeed, if it were not, how could one call it DIVINE law? There are reasons for rules and laws - and the basic rule is 'do that which will enable one to get closer to God'. The entire shari`ah is based on this one premise. Regarding marriage, therefore, I want to try to provide an understanding of the Islamic philosophy behind the various rulings listed above.

The bond between husband and wife is the most profound and enduring in a person's adult life. Perhaps no other person will exert as much emotional and psychological influence on an individual. Love is the absolute basis and essence of Islam. As such, he (s) was sent to teach us love and compassion in their most perfect forms. Faith is perfection in three things: fear, hope and love.

However, love exists in many different forms - for parents, for spouses, for children, and so forth. Perhaps no other word is used so frequently and understood so rarely! Is true love infatuation? a mother's love? the love that our grandparents feel after 50 years together? One should really ask the question, "WHAT is love and why do I feel it?" not "who or what do I love?" The first logically precedes the second, but the second emotionally precedes the first (and sometimes eclipses it entirely!)

A lot of our mixed-up feelings arise because we become so entangled with the 2nd question that we forget the first! The psychological basis of marriage is to develop love for the partner - for love (as opposed to infatuation) develops over years of shared joys and hardships.

But the underlying reason that Allah has blessed us with the faculty of love is so that we can learn to love Him. He has said, "it is one of Our SIGNS that We have placed love and compassion between (husband and wife)" - ie, that feeling of love is in fact a sign of the existence of the fountain and source of love - God. Through our various mortal loves, we are directed towards the discovery of the eternal love of Allah, as rivers flow inexorably towards the ocean.

This, then, is the true reason for marriage - to apprehend, through one's partner, a part of the all-embracing love of Allah. Knowing this, the reasons for the Islamic rulings on marriage become clearer. On life's journey towards Allah, one is not alone. Husband and wife walk hand in hand, helping and strengthening each other. They are companions on the journey, and Allah has said, "we made for them spouses that they might find rest and comfort." However, if the direction (qibla) of one is towards God and His messenger (s), but the other is walking a different path, one of three things will happen:

Firstly, the rightly-guided will turn the straying one towards truth - but is this a gamble one would be prepared to take? Second, and more frequently, the misguided will turn the muslim away from God. Third, as their paths diverge more and more, their hands will leave each other's hold (they will separate).

Thus Allah, in his wisdom, has directed us to marry those who will not only face in the same direction as us upon our journey towards Him, but will also be a strength and comfort to us upon the hard road. Therefore a hadith encourages muslims to look first and foremost for 'taqwa' - consciousness of God - in one's life-partner. Our choice of partner should be made not with this fleeting world in mind, but the eternal hereafter. We are encouraged to choose someone who can be a mirror for us, reflecting the immortal and infinite love of Allah Most High - and of course, we should work towards being such a mirror ourselves! The most blessed of creation (s) has said, "a believer is a mirror to a believer."

This, then, is the underlying basis and wisdom of all Islamic rulings regarding this subject. I hope it has been made clearer, and may Allah forgive me if I have erred. For Allah knows best. To Him do all souls return, and He is the Comforter of all longings. And blessings upon the Messenger of Love and Compassion.

Talib